Desiree, Tawny, Megan. I have made my way through three more submissives in the past year. There was nothing wrong with any of them, the problem is clearly with me. My scars run deep, my pain endless. I don’t know exactly what it is that I’m looking for in these girls. The domination, the sex, and the control doesn’t seem to be nearly enough for me anymore. I am now at a loss. Even Flynn is unsure of what to tell me anymore.
To be this fucked up is confusing, challenging and even maddening at times. Trying to forget my past is something that even Flynn has been unable to do. While the memories of my first years with the crack whore and her pimp are faint, they are still there haunting me every single day.
At times I just wish that I could be a normal man. Able to fall in love, get married, have a family. But, I know that it will never happen that way for me, it is impossible.
Enter Leila. I have learned since meeting her that she may be as equally fucked up as I am. We met at an underground club, much like the one that Elena took me to way back when. I knew immediately that our connection would be different, because she was different. She had a spirit about her unlike the others. She was a true submissive, yet she had no problem fucking around with me, giving me shit for even the littlest things. In some strange way, she made me feel again. Feel something other than the pain of my past…and for that, her punishments were that much more enjoyable for me. How dare this girl stir up feelings and emotions that I had worked so hard at keeping buried.
Leila would prove to be different in every way. She had a confidence about her, she challenged me in so many ways. I hated it, and I welcomed it at this particular time in my life when things have become so confusing. Even at times, Leila would make me laugh, which trust me, is extremely hard to do. For that, I hated her, and fuck me if I didn’t adore her at the same time.
Even our first encounter was unlike the other first times with my many submissives. The sex was mind-blowing. Up until Leila, I had no idea that fucking could be like this. Although she remained the perfect submissive, she had this way of sneaking in her own moments of control, which in time, I actually grew to enjoy.
The weekend was coming to an end, and it was almost time to send Leila on her way until next Friday. I have a charity event to attend this evening, so, as usual Leila would accompany me. She was always dressed to kill when I took her out…No doubt that my credit card played a part in that.
Showered, clean shaven and dressed in my finest tuxedo, I leave my bedroom and make my way to her room to see if she is ready to leave. I knock as a formality before entering, and find her sitting on the bed pulling on black stockings and attaching them to a red silk garter belt that sits perfectly on her hips. No panties…Good girl. She smiles as she explains that she just needs a minute, then disappears into the large walk-in closet.
A few minutes pass, and she emerges from the make shift changing room in a long black, dangerously low cut sequin gown. The fabric hugs every curve of her frame, and I find myself unable to take my eyes off of her for a moment. I quickly snap out of it offering her my arm to escort her to the elevator. Christ, Grey, what the fuck was that? Get a grip man, I tell myself as I remind myself who I am, and what I will always be. No hearts, no flowers.
We get into the limo that I have rented for the evening, and my inner dialogue continues on explaining that just because I am fucked up, does not mean that I can’t appreciate a beautiful woman. Yes, I understand that, I explain to the voice in my head. But I was on the verge of drool bucket status there for a brief moment. I do not drool, ever. Right, Grey, so shut up and try to enjoy the night, fool.
We arrive at the benefit, and I quickly shut down the voices in my head. As we enter the ballroom, all eyes are on Leila. She looked so beautiful, that she demanded the attention of every single man in the room, and most of the woman.
After some light conversation with some of the other guests, and a couple of glasses of champagne, I am reminded of Leila’s garter belt that only her and I know is hiding under her beautiful gown. My cock twitches at the thought…This needs to be addressed, and soon.
Her banter with the gentlemen in the room has all but charmed the pants off of them all, and is now charming the pants off of me, literally. I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her out of the room. We make our way past the kitchen and down a long corridor to find some privacy.
No words are spoken as I push her against the wall, one hand grabbing a fistful of hair, the other finding its way past the slit in her dress and between her legs. My lips are now pressed hard against hers as she begins to undo the button of my pants. She moans softly as I slip a finger inside of her, slowly thrusting it in and out as she becomes wetter and wetter.
My cock now free, she fishes a condom from my pocket and quickly tears it open with her teeth before sliding it down onto my now throbbing erection. I pull my fingers out and replace it with my cock, and we both let out a groan as the intense feeling takes us over. Leila never being one to keep quiet, becomes louder in her moans, and I quickly silence her with my hand over her mouth. I thrust harder and harder into her as we give the wall a good story to tell later.
I slide my hands under her ass and lift her up as she wraps her legs around my waist, and I continue my much welcomed charity event invasion of her body. Suddenly, we hear two voices from down the corridor accompanied with footsteps coming in our direction. Christ, really? I sadly and disappointedly pull out of her, set her down and we quickly straighten ourselves up. Now rejoining the event, both of us longing to finish what we started, we say our goodbyes and leave the ball.
The limo is looking pretty damn good right about now…