The next morning I wake up, yes..still in her bed. I’m surprised to find my arms still wrapped around her..tight, as if I’m clutching on for dear life. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that feeling. I’ve spent my entire adult life running away from any sort of feelings outside of the ones I have regarding my submissives. Feelings of control. Total and complete control.
I look over at Anastasia, who has also just woken up, perhaps by my stirring as I unleash her from my arms. “Good morning, Miss Steele. I hope you slept well.” I didn’t, and that’s no surprise. The nightmares continue.. I don’t think that they will ever go away.
It’s the same nightmare. It plays over and over, night after night, like a bad movie. I see him, the pimp. He’s hitting her again, hard. I hide under the kitchen table as I always do when he gets like this, which is often. Mommy is crying, begging him to stop. She’s curled up on the floor and he has that big brown belt in his hand, and he’s using it to hurt mommy. I hope he doesn’t find me under here, I scoot as far back as I can, trying to disappear.
But, he does find me, he always finds me. I cry out..No..no! And my tiny arms try to fight him off, but they can’t. I’m just not strong enough yet. He pulls me out from under the table by my shirt and I know what is about to happen, the same thing that always happens when he finds me. His breath smells really bad. Like cigarettes and cheap booze. He calls me really bad names. Shut the fuck up, you little bastard. Stop your fucking crying or I’ll make this worse than last time. I cry out for mommy again..she looks like she’s sleeping now. Still in a ball on the floor, her face bruised, her lips bleeding.
The pimp takes his lit cigarette and presses it hard on my chest, I scream. It hurts so bad. He does it over and over, until the butt finally goes out on my skin. The smell of flesh burning fills the air of our tiny apartment. Now I’m crying uncontrollably and wishing that he’d just kill me. I hate it when he hurts me and mommy.
I glance over at the clock, taking notice of the time. “Shit, I’m late.” I hurry out of bed and get dressed. “I have a meeting at 8:00…I have to go, or I’ll be late..and, I don’t do late.” She gets up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and walks me to the door. I remind her that Taylor will be over later to retrieve the keys to her Beetle, and of her appointment with my doctor this Sunday at my place.
“Have a great last day of work, baby.” I kiss her softly on the lips before rushing out the door.
On the drive back to The Heathman, I think about how nice it will be to have her in Seattle after the move this weekend. She will be close to Escala, easier for me to keep an eye on her. Close enough for me to be able to show up and fuck her whenever I wish. Sunday won’t come fast enough.
Meeting her has been such a roller-coaster of events in such a short amount of time. Some good, some bad, but with everything that has happened up to this point, all I know is that I need to be with her.
But, I still wonder..Can I be everything that what she wants….