She is taking her time reading the changes that I have made to the contract. It takes everything I have within me not to snatch it from her hands and read it to her myself. Move it along, Anastasia. Move it along.
Watching her facial expressions closely as she reads, I see them quickly change from a a victorious smirk to a frown. She seems to be pleased with the changes, changes that she wanted, but something has displeased her apparently. And here we go…
“So the obedience aspect of the contract still stands?” she asks confused and irritated.
“Oh yes, Anastasia,” I reply with a grin. But that grin quickly fades and turns into a stoic expression as my lips press hard together watching as she rolls her eyes at my unwelcome response. “Did you just roll your eyes at me, Anastasia?”
“Possibly? It depends on what your reaction will be.” She answers without missing a beat. She looks scared. Afraid of what my reply to that will be perhaps.
“Well, same as always.” I smirk, shaking my head.
What she doesn’t seem to understand, or maybe she does, is that this actually pleases me. When she rolls her eyes at me it becomes the highlight of my day, and I wake each day hoping that she will actually do just that. Rolls those eyes for me, baby. Your punishment awaits…
“You want to spank me now?” she asks, already knowing the answer.
“Yes…and I will.” Her cheeks are now a bright beautiful shade of blush, as her face is quickly taken over by a, “Shit! What have I done?” deadpan stare. “Are you going to try and stop me, Anastasia?”
“Uh, you’re going to have to catch me first.” she replies, biting her bottom lip in a attempt at playfulness.
I can clearly see the lump that has formed in her throat as she swallows hard, not to mention the quickening of her breathing. There is no fooling me here with her failed attempt at bravado, and I can practically see her heart beating out of her chest.
So begins the game of chase. I have become the cat, and she is the mouse. We work our way around the breakfast bar a few times…and although this is somewhat exhilarating, it quickly becomes boring. Around and around, back and forth we go as I appease her allowing it to continue for a few minutes.
But knowing what is to come, my palm begins to twitch. The mere thought of my hand striking down on her bare ass is more than I can handle at the moment, and I need to stop this and move things along. But the questions begin.
Why do I need this? Why do I want to hurt her? Why won’t you tell me what’s made you like this? Why can’t I touch you? Why, why, why?
I can’t begin to explain why in a way that she will understand, but I need it. I just do. If I tell her about my past, she will run. And that is a chance I am not willing to take.
Time for a diversion. I pull her firmly into my arms and plant a deep, long, passionate kiss on her lips. It doesn’t take long before she succumbs, and although I know that she’d rather use her mouth to ask more questions, she gives in and responds to my rather untimely advances. Untimely for her, not me.
“Show me.” she says, taking in a deep breath. And her voice is shaky and unsure.
“Yes. Show me how much it will hurt.”
“What?” I am dumbfounded. Suddenly she is willing to allow me to show her just how bad this can get?
“You are actually willing to try?” I ask.
“Yes.” she says, but I can tell that she isn’t exactly comfortable with this at all.
“Ana, you are so confusing.”
“I’m trying to work this out. Then we will both know if I can actually do this.”
I know I can do this…this is what I do. What gives me the greatest pleasure. I am just not sure that she will be able to handle it. Well, no time like the present I suppose…
“Alright. I’ll show you just how bad this can be, and you can make up your own mind.”
She swallows hard as I firmly grasp her arm and escort her down the long corridor.
To the playroom we go.
I choose a leather belt from the wall, and lead her to the bench in the corner of the room. I command her to bend over the bench, then I lift up her robe just enough to expose her inviting firm ass. My palm twitches out of control at the sight.
“We’re here because you said yes, Anastasia, and because you ran from me. I will spank you six times, and you will count with me.”
I hear a frustrated sigh escape from her lips suddenly, as if she were annoyed at my theatrics. I can almost sense her rolling her eyes at me out of frustration. She can be as frustrated as she likes. I am going to do this.
“I am doing this so you remember not to run from me again, and because you rolled your eyes at me.”
My voice deepens as the thrill of what is about to happen takes over my very existence. Placing my hand firmly on her ass in preparation, I feel her body shudder slightly in response. In my other hand, the leather belt is at the ready. I swing my arm back, striking down for what is to be the first blow.
“Count Anastasia,” I order. “One!”
“ONE!” she cries out, her body shuddering at the hard blow of the belt cutting down on her ass, letting out a deep breath.
“Let go!” She cries out, struggling to get out of my grasp and off of the bench just as quickly as humanly possible. “Don’t touch me!” she continues, now pushing me away. I can hear her sobbing. Fuck!
She begins to walk towards the door of the playroom as she ties the sash of her robe, hissing at me all the way. “This is what you like? Me…like this?” she goes on, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Fuck. She is angry. Angry at me for simply doing what she asked me to do. I knew there was a chance that she wouldn’t like it, but this…I didn’t expect this reaction. Who am I kidding…I am not surprised at all actually.
“Ana…” I plead. Fuck! She won’t even look at me.
“Don’t you Ana me. You are one fucked up son of a bitch, Grey! You need to get your shit straightened out!”
And it feels as though I took a hard blow to the stomach. A blow that came at me with such force that it brought me to my knees. I want to go after her, but after seeing her reaction, I decide not to. I did warn her…I warned her over and over. Why did she allow me to do this knowing she wouldn’t be able to handle it? Why did I agree? Why? She did it to please me, I know that. I did it because I am a selfish fucked up asshole who only cares about his needs…fucked up needs.
She is right. I am one fucked up son of a bitch.
She is gone.
She left the playroom.
I am left here alone with only my demons to keep me company. My lifelong friends…
Now, because of those demons I have lost the only girl I have ever loved.
Fucked Up Fifty. If anything, I live up to my name.
This is not over.